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+ | [[File:Placeholder|right|300px]]Four Loko is a caffeinated, fortified malt liquor for people who don't have have anywhere to be tomorrow morning. It doesn't feel much like alcohol, even though they sell it and regulate it that way. What's the difference? I once heard someone explain the difference between death metal and black metal: "Death metal is mean, but black metal is evil." Well, in the same way, the difference between malt liquor and Four Loko is that malt liquor will get you drunk, but Four Loko will make you fun. |
| + | It's a brilliant product, because the caffeine delays all the unpleasant effects of the alcohol for about two hours, so there's a window of time when you feel sharpness from the energy drink and relaxation from the tall can. For two hours, you're a better person. You're not sloppy, but you're not jittery either. If you're getting sick from the alcohol, you're the last to know. You have the willingness to be rowdy and the charisma to get away with it. There are no drawbacks. [[I Feel Like Dying|Two hours]]. |
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| − | you literally become a better person. all your awkwardness is smoothed out by the alcohol, but the caffeine keeps you alert enough to express yourself with some coherence |
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| + | ==What about the rest of the night?== |
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| + | It's a good thing there's no risk of causing fetal alcohol syndrome at the moment of conception. |
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| − | for example: |
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| + | ==What happens in the morning?== |
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| + | In the morning, if you haven't emptied the drink from your system, you wake up much earlier than usual. The alcohol's drowsiness has worn off and the caffeine is still in your system. My friends call this the "Four Loko alarm clock." It's almost condescending: "Wake up kiddo, we'd better get an early start on that hangover." The dehydration is almost assured; the caffeine only makes the beer's job easier, chapping your lips and your throat and your eyes. Most people treat it with lots of water, or maybe they've woken up next to someone equally in need of distraction. The easiest way to stop the alarms from ringing, though, is to have [[Hair of the Dog|a few more sips of Four Loko. ]]After that, you're ready to start the day. |
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| − | (860): How drunk are you?? (732): I'm flawless. |
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| − | the caffeine hits you early in the morning so you can start your hangover early |
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| − | with four loko, the hangover is Guaranteed. the best way to treat it is with hair of the dog. |
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| − | it's a good thing you don't have to worry about fetal alcohol syndrome immediately after conception, because the likelihood of unprotected sex and the intensity of the drunk are a winning combo. |
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| − | uppers make you feel good, and if you feel good, you can't tell that you're about to vomit. |
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| − | Joose is disgusting. or as whitney houston said, i don't do crack. all right. crack is for poor people. |
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| − | it is a speedball |
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Revision as of 02:49, 26 July 2010
Four Loko is a caffeinated, fortified malt liquor for people who don't have have anywhere to be tomorrow morning. It doesn't feel much like alcohol, even though they sell it and regulate it that way. What's the difference? I once heard someone explain the difference between death metal and black metal: "Death metal is mean, but black metal is evil." Well, in the same way, the difference between malt liquor and Four Loko is that malt liquor will get you drunk, but Four Loko will make you fun.
It's a brilliant product, because the caffeine delays all the unpleasant effects of the alcohol for about two hours, so there's a window of time when you feel sharpness from the energy drink and relaxation from the tall can. For two hours, you're a better person. You're not sloppy, but you're not jittery either. If you're getting sick from the alcohol, you're the last to know. You have the willingness to be rowdy and the charisma to get away with it. There are no drawbacks. Two hours.
What about the rest of the night?
It's a good thing there's no risk of causing fetal alcohol syndrome at the moment of conception.
What happens in the morning?
In the morning, if you haven't emptied the drink from your system, you wake up much earlier than usual. The alcohol's drowsiness has worn off and the caffeine is still in your system. My friends call this the "Four Loko alarm clock." It's almost condescending: "Wake up kiddo, we'd better get an early start on that hangover." The dehydration is almost assured; the caffeine only makes the beer's job easier, chapping your lips and your throat and your eyes. Most people treat it with lots of water, or maybe they've woken up next to someone equally in need of distraction. The easiest way to stop the alarms from ringing, though, is to have a few more sips of Four Loko. After that, you're ready to start the day.